It’s been 2 weeks since my first chemo session.
I’ll start with the bad news but its not really news since I’ve mentioned it before. In terms of my body and health, only a few things are actually bothering me. Again, it’s the weight gain, bloating, moon face from the Prednisone and now I’m getting battle scars (aka stretch marks) as a result but those don’t really bother me much. It still remains difficult to wake up each morning and FEEL the puffiness on my face but I try to just ignore it. The only thing keeping me calm about the entire thing is knowing that it’s temporary. I know it sounds like I am just being too self conscious about my appearance but it’s more than that. It makes me feel like a different person who I don’t feel comfortable with. It kind of feels like I’m in the wrong body and it just doesn’t feel right. It’s very hard to live life in this state of “waiting” or “things will eventually better” but I know better because today in actuality is the only day I have. The present.
The good news? I didn’t feel any side effects from the chemo during the session or afterwards. I was expecting the worst and preparing myself for hell for whatever I thought was to come afterwards, but I didn’t experience any side effects whatsoever and I’m so thankful. With that in mind, I don’t have any anxiety nor do I dread the next chemo sessions now that I know they are more than tolerable. How do I feel two weeks later? Well today I saw both my nephrologist and rheumatologist for follow up appointments and it looks like my labs were a little better! Not significantly but I suppose remarkably enough such that the swelling in my legs has decreased which means my Lupus has weakened and attacks my kidneys with less strength. I can actually see my ankles now!
Physically, I also feel a lot better. I didn’t realize how shitty my body felt until I experienced how it feels while it’s in the process of healing or getting better. Sometimes, I wonder to myself if this is what healthy people feel like. If so, you are all so truly blessed to feel this way every day without putting effort into it. I can’t tell you how much tears of joy would flood from my eyes if I had the opportunity to experience this even for just a day. However, I am just thankful to be on the road to recovery and I know from this point on things are only going to get better. Don’t stop dancin, girl!
PS I’m excited for school to start next week and for BEYOND WONDERLAND in less than two weeks :D unst unst unst