Today I completed my second session of chemotherapy and for the most part it was smooth sailing. Again, no naseua or feelings of fatigue and I ate like a hungry whale afterwards so it hasn’t really affected my appetite.
The past two weeks since I last wrote have honestly been very difficult especially with the loss of my hair. While I knew it was always coming, seeing it come out was definitely very traumatizing and the anxiety of knowing I had to take it off was stressful, frustrating, and it made me angry. Not only that, a worse feeling that haunted me was that I felt sorry for myself. A feeling that I can’t really explain fully since I can’t really understand it myself but it that broke me down in a way I’ve never felt more helpless in my life.
As time passed in which I surrounded myself with the right people to support me, I eventually dealt with these feelings and put them to rest when I realized the fact they were only an illusion; they were distracting me from the fact that I AM more than fine and I AM happy! Pain does not exist.
With that being said, I share the legend of the Phoenix. I enjoy this quote (that I just googled no biggie) because it incorporates many things I value such as adventure, growth, sacrifice and destiny.
“It [the Phoenix] is a constant reminder that our current self is a path of expansion and growth. It is also a reminder that our journey is an infinite adventure in which we can decide, at any time, that our old self has completed its cycle of usefulness. Once we choose to leave our old self behind we simply need to follow the example of the Phoenix: immerse ourself in the Spiritual Fire of Sacrifice and Transformation, and use the ashes of our old self to create the new person we are destined to become.”
Today I tell myself this: sometimes you must set yourself on fire if you wish to rise from the ashes.